Weddings, tattoos, and in-laws

[Summer]

Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we've lived together for 2, and while we're not engaged yet, getting married is in our plans for the not so distant future. I just got a large piece on my arm done, and I started thinking... what will his family think when they see me covered in tattoos in my wedding dress?

His parents know I have some tattoos, but they don't know about the big arm tattoo yet. I know they don't like tattoos, but I also don't think think they think less of me for them. But, like . . . what about his almost 80 year old grandparents? They're the sweetest people in the world and they love me, but I'm afraid they would keel over in shock if they saw me walking down the aisle in a beautiful white dress and ink down my arms. My own parents don't really care. My dad and I aren't that close, but my mom is the one who took me to get my first tattoo and she gets excited every time I get a new one, so I don't know how to handle this type of situation.

This is kind of preemptive, since I'm not even engaged, but I was wondering if anyone had any experience with this trype of situation. I know that if I were getting married I would want to show my tattoos. They are a part of me and I think they're beautiful and I wouldn't want to censor myself at my own wedding.

Any thoughts?

[Resident Leg Humper]

I don't have the slightest clue on marriage or anything of that nature, but I do know that it sounds like you're on the right track with showing what you got show!...Especially if you think they're beautiful in your mind then I don't see the need to try and cover them up simply to satisfy a few other people that have a problem with them?...Maybe I'm just being an idiot, but I say go with your gut and "shake what your mamma gave ya" in the sense that they're there, they're yours, why not let everyone else now you're comfortable with them regardless of what they think?!

[Jess]

Well, you asked:

1) It's YOUR WEDDING!!! I made the mistake of allowing my husband's mother to have things HER way on MY wedding day. Pretty much hated it, both me and my husband would do it over 100% different. Stand firm in your vision - do not compromise.

2) The family will learn about your tattoos some day. What better day than your wedding day? C'mon - could someone really make a rude comment to you on such a momentous day?? Oh geez I would sure hope not, and if they did they don't deserve a seat in your beautiful ceremony.

3) If they love you now they will love you once they know. There may be an adjustment period, but I've recently witnessed my mom, one of the most anti-tattoo people I've ever known, do a total 180. Maybe prior to said ceremony you could warm them up to the idea and give them a little peek? Or maybe ask your man to address it with his peeps??

[jude]

I completely agree w/everything Jess said. If you really feel the heat and cant stand it you could always wear a rap for church or get married in the cooler months and wear long sleeves. Hey maybe they wont mind once they see how beautiful your sleeve came out. Dont worry every time my father in law sees me w/the tattoos i hear "you know you can catch hepatitis" OK already!! It really is up to you and your comfort level you know?

[Dana]

I had actually waited to get my first tattoo until after my wedding because of the same concerns your writing about. I think you'll be fine though. You even stated you wanted to show them off at your wedding...I mean it is a part of you...they'll learn to love it just as much as they love you!

[TS]

Ha ha! I said this before, but it worked out that I was done being a bridesmaid/matron before having visible ink. It's bad enough being told what dress and hair to wear, let alone having to cover up something a part of me!!

[Father of Roses]

I think you should stop thinking.
Go have a rootbeer and forget about it.

When you stop caring what people think about you, you will become free.

[Summer]

Ha, I just drank a root beer and ate some Thai food. I'm feeling great!

Yeah, I think when it happens I'll do what makes me and my man happy. They're good, understanding people, and if they hate me for it, they'll have to hate Chris (my boyfriend) too, because he has tattoos as well!

It's an interesting adjustment moving into the realm of visible tattoos. It brings on a whole new level of being tattooed. I typically don't care what people think about me, but these are people I care about, so it's weird. Eh, I'm not too worried about it. Just . . . interested to see how it will all pan out.

Thanks, folks!

[Jess]

mmmm.....THAI!!

[Father of Roses]

Ah, and I'm sure youre guy is great... but you are only halfway there. Forget about what makes HIM happy. That's a very, very nice thought. But when you choose to do or not because it makes YOU happy, then you've got it. :)

[Summer]

Well I would never be the kind of bride screaming, "It's MY DAY!" It will be OUR day when it happens and I know my man will want me to be myself. I just meant that my wedding will be about us and not about anyone else.

[Judy]

If you feel you have to cover up, a strapless dress with a jacket is nice for the ceremony then when the dancing starts, whip that jacket off and dance your heart out!
His grandparents will probably leave early anyway.

I know what you mean about in-laws. Mine are very anti-tattoo, especially on women. I would like to think that (if they find out) the 18 yrs I've spent with their son would count for something but you never know how strong that predjudice is.

[Grosz]

i would assume that if you're not even engaged yet, you have some time to "prime the pump" with the in-laws, so to speak. obviously, you can't put yourself on "sneak preview" display for the entire guest list, but i wouldn't consider it to be ill-advised to allow the immediate family a little insight of your secret. respect is a two-way street, after all.

as for sweet lil ole grandmas in their 80s, the first time my own grandmother (whose father was heavily inked) looked at my work, shrugged and said, "well, at least its not ugly..." most old folks don't have time for the petty BS anymore - its a luxury of the young.